Etiquette expert explains why people shouldn't say ‘congratulations’ to engaged couples and it makes perfect sense

At weddings and engagements, one of the common ways of wishing couples is to say “Congratulations.” While this is said out of joy to the couple, there is more behind this statement. Etiquette expert Alison Cheperdak(@elevateetiquette) revealed in two-part videos on her TikTok and Instagram profiles that she avoids 'congratulating' couples on their engagements for a pretty valid reason. The expert took a dive into history to explain how this phrase’s usage was viewed for engagements and explained why it’s not the best way to greet couples. With her interesting take, people couldn’t help but agree with Cheperdak and look for more creative alternatives. 

The woman recorded the videos while on her way to a wedding. She was sure she wouldn’t wish the bride or groom by saying “Congratulations.” Elaborating why, Cheperdak pointed out that traditionally, it was only the groom who was wished using that term. “To say congratulations to the bride meant to say that you are surprised she had found someone to love her every day for the rest of her life,” the expert noted. She added that given today’s era, this concept is outdated. She also suggested that both partners deserve to be wished in a joyous and acceptable way. “I say things like ‘Best wishes,’ ‘I’m so happy for you both,’ ‘I’m so over the moon excited for the two of you,’ and so on,” the expert shared. 

In her caption, she left the question open to the public. “Knowing the background of why saying congratulations to a bride used to be a social faux pas, what do you think about saying congratulations to a bride today?” she asked. People agreed with the woman and wanted to avoid this bland phrase. @key1tey wrote, “Just say congratulations to both? But I do appreciate the little historical tidbit!” @etiquette4everyone added, “'Best wishes' is more respectful, especially in traditional settings, as it focuses on the future rather than viewing marriage as an achievement.” @strasreil suggested a quote, “‘Always say Congratulations to the groom and Best wishes to the bride—it’s all about proper etiquette!’”

@didi_lorrillard remarked, “Simply say, ‘I'm (we're) so happy for you!’ A sincere acknowledgment is always welcomed and appreciated. In a follow-up video, Cheperdak shared another reason she skips using the term, “Congratulations.” While this was a more opinionated idea, it seemed logical to many. Being happily married for 11 years herself, the expert suggested that marriage is unique and not the same as every other achievement. “Saying ‘Congratulations’ is like saying that work ethic alone will find you someone to love you for the rest of your lives,” she pointed out.

Marriage is more a concept of unity and love, that works on a selfless and humane principle above everything else. So, calling it an achievement like other milestones is not the ideal term one would like to use. In her caption, Cheperdak noted that her logic may not resonate with all but still stands as a valid point. “A new baby, promotion, job, home, or other achievement? I will congratulate early and often but there is something about congratulating for weddings that feels a bit different,” she pointed out.

You can follow Alison Cheperdak (@elevateetiquette) on Instagram and TikTok for more content on etiquette and lifestyle.