Mom has a simple trick to get her husband to be an equal parent—it's 'kind of harsh’ but it’s effective

Being a parent is a big responsibility and a person might need all the help they can get, especially from a partner. However, not all partners are equal parents and it can be quite hard on the person who has to do the lion's share of the work. A mom has a simple trick that has helped her husband become more of an equal parent to their kids. The woman shared the things that she stopped doing to enable the transition. Though it might seem "kind of harsh," it can actually be very helpful, according to the creator, Pace Webb, who goes by @ourhomeflows on Instagram.

In a video, the mom shared that she "stopped answering every question he can figure out for himself." She added, "It may sound kind of harsh, but if you’re always answering the questions, they’re just going to keep asking you and you’re going to be the one who does all the thinking." The mom of two expressed that if one keeps answering the "teeny" questions, they are not "empowering" their spouse to be an equal parent, per TODAY.com. "For the questions they can easily answer for themselves, give them some confidence. Let them fly on their own, they’ve got it. We have enough on our plates."

The questions could include simple things like where a certain thing is kept, if the kids have homework or not and timings for their various co-curricular activities. One can always double-check, but it might be a good idea not to overdo it, per the woman. Webb felt that moms get asked simple questions all the time because they are the "default" parent even in more equitable households and the men don't want to get it wrong or make their partners upset. "Sit down together and map out what needs to happen — regardless of who does it — to keep the kids alive and the household running." Then, a couple should decide on who will do what based on skills and desires, as well as set a minimum standard of what needs to be done. She also suggested having weekly check-ins to see if everything was working according to the plan.

People shared their thoughts on the same in the comments section of the video. @japchic9 wrote, "I tried this for ONE day...they all melt down. My husband is loving, compassionate and my two boys are sweet and caring, but it was humbling to see how much they relied on me; how much they believed in me." @_prettyonmebeauty commented, "My favorite phrase is 'I don't know.' Started doing this to conserve my energy and give him space to find his own way. Works so well." @zalimezamana remarked, "I love that the way we talk about kids is the same way we talk about men..."

Paul Morgan-Bentley, the author of "The Equal Parent: How sharing the load helps the whole family," shared that most dads are expected to do less as parents and he was shocked to witness that after having a kid as a gay dad. "It is very easy to fool yourself that we are getting much better with gender equality," the man told Educating Matters podcast host Rachel Vecht. He added, "With every appointment, there is an expectation that the mother would be there and not the father." He even mentioned that he was "praised" for being at vaccinations as a dad. However, he found out by talking to several experts that there are "no actual barriers" for dads to become equal parents. "I believe that we should be striving for that."

You can follow Pace Webb (@ourhomeflows) on Instagram for more parenting content.