Child psychologist urges grandparents to follow 10 key tips for healthy relationship with children and grandkids

Being a grandparent has proven to be one of the greatest joys for many. It is a much-awaited privilege in many people's lives. However, it often gets a lot more complicated when a family's dynamics change because of the arrival of a baby. Child psychologist Michael Carr-Gregg revealed that one can maintain a healthy and positive relationship with kids and grandkids by following 10 simple tips, per Good To Know. Titled as the “grandparent code,” these 10-pointers can enhance familial bonds despite barriers and changes. 

1. Responding joyfully to pregnancy news

We’ve seen ample pregnancy announcements where grandparents are overjoyed—and that’s just how it should be. There will always be time for other discussions but take the primary news with the widest smile. Being supportive and positive from the start provides soon-to-be parents with a sense of security, per Baby Center.

2. Honor any request to keep the pregnancy a secret

A pregnancy announcement is a very profound and personal news, as per Pregnancy and Newborn Magazine. Parents will have requests regarding their pregnancy and whom they choose to reveal the news. As excited as you may be to be a grandparent, put their wishes before your own. 

3. Wait to be invited to see your grandchild

Parents might not invite grandparents to the hospital or even to their home as soon as they return from the hospital. In that case, don’t invite yourself. Allow the couple to have their moment and privacy. You don’t want to make it seem like you’re imposing already. Be flexible and open to respecting the parents’ requests. 

4. Avoid unsolicited advice

The last thing parents want is unsolicited advice just because the grandparents raised a kid of their own. "It's all about respecting boundaries. Everyone parents differently and it's your child's turn to learn what works for them,” suggested family therapist Christine Lawlor, as per Baby Center. Let them experiment and learn, don’t poke into their moment and don’t gloat over them. 

5. Keep the positivity flowing

If anyone knows that parenting is hard, it’s you, dear grandparents. Provide a listening ear instead of impulsive advice. It may be hard to just watch when they’re using unorthodox or newer methods but trust them to try. "Allow them to grow in their roles as parents," Lawlor noted. 

6. Bonding with your grandchild

As much as you’d like to bond with your child as a grandpa or grandma, you have to put in productive effort. “It takes time and work and may not always resemble the picture you have in your mind," Amy Goyer, a multigenerational family expert, told Baby Center. You will have to learn and unlearn several processes to connect with your grandchild at every stage. 

7. Manage your grandchild's use of technology

One of the things that is hard for parents is controlling how much technology and media their kids consume. Sometimes parents might be busy or exhausted and turn a blind eye to the shows or screen time their child is exposed to. You can always gently intervene and take the lead for them. 

8. Say no to 'grandsharenting' 

It is the practice of sharing online information about grandchildren. As much as you can’t wait to post their smile, first tooth and all other milestones, it is for parents to decide whether or not they want to make such moments public. Respect the rules the parents set. They, too, are working in the best interest of their child. 

9. Spoil your grandchildren — in consultation with their parents

Grandparents love to feed and shop for their grandkids. However, everything you do needs to have boundaries that are discussed with parents. Anything they’re not comfortable with shouldn’t be forced upon their children just so you can be the favorite.

10. Handwritten cards and letters for the win

A handwritten note is the most well-thought gift a grandparent can offer. Compiling messages of love, wisdom, memories and more in the cutest cards and notes is wholesome. Grandchildren can hold on to these and treasure them until they grow up and understand the value these words hold.