Couple married 70 years reveals the No. 1 red flag a relationship won’t last — and a psychologist agrees
Being married for decades gives people a kind of insight you don’t just pick up along the way. It comes from living through the good days, the difficult ones, and everything in between. One cannot help but wonder, what are the everyday behaviors we brush off that might actually be doing more damage to a relationship than we realize? That’s where Rosalyn Engelman’s advice feels almost like a quiet reality check. As reported by CNBC Make It on April 28, 2026, she has been married to Irwin Engelman for nearly seventy years and points to one “painful” red flag she believes can quietly destroy a relationship. Psychologist Sabrina Romanoff also backs her wisdom with more insight.
Among the many pieces of marriage wisdom she shares, she also points to a red flag that often goes unnoticed. Criticism. It is something most couples experience, but not all criticism carries the same weight. There is the kind that comes from a place of care, where someone is trying to help or improve a situation. Then, there is the kind that is “meant to devastate and demean someone,” which cuts deeper. Over time, those remarks do not just hurt feelings; they slowly chip away at trust and emotional safety in the relationship. Turns out, Rosalyn isn’t the only one who sees it this way. Romanoff suggests the same idea, asking couples to be mindful of this seemingly small tiff. She adds that when someone makes excuses for this criticism by saying they’re “just being honest," it often signals that a partner is not fully respecting what the other person feels or needs.
Rosalyn further explained what this destructive criticism looks like. For example, if someone serves a meal and the first reaction is to pick it apart without pausing to consider the time and effort behind it, the impact goes beyond the comment itself. Moments like these can feel dismissive and linger longer than expected. One of her strongest pieces of advice is to try to understand your partner’s perspective. When resentment starts building over small things, it becomes harder to maintain a healthy connection. In her own marriage, Rosalyn never resented the long hours her husband dedicated to his business, and he, in turn, accepted her being covered in paint as she immersed herself in her art.
Looking back at where it all began, Rosalyn met her husband, Irwin Engelman, in 1953, when they were just teenagers. At that age, most people are still figuring themselves out, let alone understanding what a lasting relationship requires. And yet, she recalls knowing almost instantly that he was the one. Despite their young beginnings, they built simple, meaningful rituals that stayed with them through the years, like saying “I love you” and sharing a kiss before going to sleep or after waking up. Through it all, their kindness to each other is what strengthened their relationship. The psychologist left some more food for thought. “I think kindness is one of the most important traits that we can have in our partners,” she said, adding that the world is already unkind, so we all need someone to come back to at the end of the day.