Divorce lawyer was asked how to avoid divorce—his answer was a simple two-word response that no one was expecting
On Steven Bartlett’s podcast, "The Diary of a CEO," James Sexton, one of America’s top divorce lawyers, spilled some beans on how to prevent divorce in a marriage. His advice was surprisingly simple. The rate at which divorce is becoming more common year by year keeps rising. When Bartlett asked what people could do to avoid ending up in his office, Sexton joked that he wouldn’t say “don’t get married.” Instead, he stressed one word: attention. “I would say 'pay attention.'
As per research by Wilkinson & Finkbeiner, in the U.S., a divorce occurs roughly every 42 seconds. That translates to 86 divorces an hour, over 2,000 a day and 746,971 divorces each year. With numbers like that, Sexton’s calm insistence on awareness feels less like theory and more like lived experience.
"Pay attention to three things. The you, the me and the we. Because those are three different things.” Sexton shared. He went on to explain how, in a relationship, it's important to remember that "Me", "You" and "We" are individual things and none of those should be forgotten or fade with time. He shared, “You be you, because you're who she fell in love with. Don't let you go too far from shore. Don't let anything in the world, don't let her, don't let the we, stop you from being you.”
Sexton was just as firm about protecting a partner’s individuality, too. “Remember who she is. Let her be her,” he said. “Make sure she takes time to be her. Make sure you give space for her to be her, because that's who you fell in love with.” He proceeded with explaining how change was certain, but recognising that change and understanding whether that change was good or bad, communicating that to the partner was important.
Then came the third element: “we.” “The you, the me, and the we,” Sexton said. “Pay attention to the we. Make sure we're watering the plant. That'd be the only advice I'd ever give to anybody.” That metaphor struck a chord with listeners. In the comments section of the FB clip, Lawn Comb echoed the sentiment, “You have to nurture love or it dies… You have to water a plant or it dies.” Angie Micallef wrote, “Wow. He’s so right.” Tracey King agreed to Sexton's thought, “Great advice… the me.. the you… the we… each very important… so valuable!”
He concluded by sharing, "It has nothing to do with marriage. It has to do with connection. It has to do with love. It has to do with there's a reason why you found the ‘we’, right? Like, you can be you all by yourself and she can be her all by herself. But there's value in being ‘we’ and seeing each other's blind spots. And if there's value in that, treat it like something valuable. Don't let the world, don't let your own strengths and weaknesses, don't let anything pull you off of that."
In a world where relationships are constantly tested by time, pressure and distraction, Sexton’s advice isn't about perfection. It’s about noticing what’s already there and not letting it slip away.
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