Former bullies are revealing the exact moment that changed them completely — and it's eye-opening
Trigger Warning: This article contains themes of bullying, self-harm, anxiety and depression, which can be distressing for some readers.
Being bullied is not an easy experience for any person. But sometimes, bullies realize that they are in the wrong and reach out to ask for forgiveness. Their apologies offer peace to some extent to the people they had bullied. Anything, be it a person, an incident, a place, or a situation, can trigger realization in bullies and prompt them to turn over a new leaf in their lives. "Former bullies and mean girls, what brought the change in you?" a person, who goes by u/pocoschick on Reddit, asked fellow users, highlighting the social issue, and quite a few people shared how they stopped bullying others after understanding the severity of their mistakes.
Adults, who once used to mock others mercilessly, shared how the environment around them had impacted them. Once they got out of it, things changed for them and they realized that they owed everyone they had hurt an apology. Many of them revealed that they never wanted to be the person they were at the time of hurting others and just one realization helped them change their behavior altogether. Others took therapy and learned to manage their anger and it changed their perspective towards life. It helped them behave better towards other people. For some, meeting new people brought the required change. Here are 10 real-life stories shared by former bullies about what transformed them.
1. Friends who helped them realize their mistakes
"I was essentially bullied at home by family and I took it out on those around me. Thankfully, I had some friends who let me know I was being a d*** and I apologized to the people I hurt. I'll always hate myself for the way I acted and I don't think that will ever change. I still catch myself being a grumbling a****** sometimes, but I will never let myself be who I used to be." -u/raikonai
2. One realization about behavior
"When I realized I was just like my dad and I really dislike my dad." -u/kastawamy
3. Anger management and therapy
"Wasn't really a bully, but I wasn't nice either. I was just a raging b**** and was mean to people who I thought deserved it and it didn't help that there were also other people who were just as mean and judgmental as I was. It got to the point that I was needlessly fighting my friends and only when I was confronted about my attitude and I got to hear my friend's perspective, that I shifted (this was towards the end of high school). Took a lot of time and educated myself on how to be better. Also, therapy, lol. Anger management, anxiety management, etc. I couldn't erase who I was and I accept that part of me. I'm not saying I'm all perfect now. I know there's still a lot of work to do, but all in all it's loads better than before. I'm glad I had the chance to grow up and get better." -u/AnxiousCrownNinja
4. New people's reactions
"I got a job as a video game tester and worked with people who were bullied when they were younger. We'd tell stories and things I found funny, they found traumatic and mean. As cliche as it is, I never thought about it from their perspective or thought my behavior was bullying until then. Helped me see it from the other side. I'm much more empathic now. Pretty ashamed about my behavior when I was younger." -u/GGJallDay
5. During a camp
"I was a mean girl. Cheer, popular, thought I was better than everyone else. During summer break in high school, I went to camp. I was bullied by some of the other girls there so relentlessly. From hazing, to emotional, to humiliating me, to lying to get me in trouble. It was bad. After that, I changed. Wish it was earlier." -u/anon
6. Becoming shy
"Became shy after a bit. I just realized that 'Hey, I'm not better than any of these people by any means. I'm just below them.' Now I help anyone I know who gets bullied or at least try to." -u/Natural_Web
7. Getting better mentally
"I used to be really mean and bully two kids in my class in primary school, I wasn't ok mentally and to be honest, I was taking out my stress on them (I still feel guilty). When I started middle school, my mental health got worse, my depression and anxiety gave me an eating disorder and I started self-harming out of guilt. I'm in high school now, I'm a lot better, I haven't self-harmed for months, I go to therapy and I found good friends!" -u/LodatriceSolare04
8. Growing up
"Growing up. I was bullied and was a bully in 5th-8th grade. It was like fighting for a space in the pecking order for kids. It was super toxic behavior and I didn't really recognize it. I stopped in high school and did my best to make amends with the kids I hurt." -u/gdubrocks
9. Immediate steps to change
"When I was still quite young ( early teens ), I realized I was modelling my behaviour on one of my parents and that they were a very obvious bully. Took immediate steps to redefine myself as a person who carefully avoided that abusive tendency." -u/FunkerSpelunker
10. Developed empathy
"Never saw myself as a bully. Guess I lacked empathy. I was mainly following along with bullying, trying to be popular, or trying to make myself feel better. I like to think that nowadays I don't need to make others feel shitty to compensate. I also learned that many toxic masculinity traits are just not how I like to be." -u/11seifenblasen
If you're being bullied, please text 'CONNECT' to 741741 for free, confidential support from a trained volunteer Crisis Counselor, available 24/7.
If you’re thinking about self harm or experiencing an overwhelming mental health crisis and need help, please reach out to the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988 (call or text). axios.com