Millennial mom says her boomer parents are passing down their 'anxiety' love language to her kids and it's 'exhausting'

Every generation has had parenting hacks that come with pros and cons. While it may have been an excellent strategy at the time, newer generations find older parenting techniques unusual and ineffective. A woman who goes by @itsgabiday on TikTok shared an instance of how her boomer mom’s “anxiety” love language has given her and her sibling a hard time. The woman explained that though she understands that it all primarily comes from a place of love, this anxious parenting technique has had repercussions and needs to be addressed. She also noted that it is “exhausting” to have to deal with this bizarre energy branching from anxiety and is more a con than a pro. 

“Does anyone have a parent whose primary love language is anxiety at you? Because this sh*t is exhausting,” she remarked. While she acknowledged that her mom was loving her in the best way possible, per her resources, “it had to stop.” Sharing her example of how such parenting is “unhealthy,” the woman explained that her mum was always “reactive, nervous and anxious” around her and her sister. Due to this, the women "absorbed the energy” and the anxiety was naturally transferred to them. “Whenever she was anxious about something, she would give us an entire essay explaining why and compound the fact that she is an anxious person who is in denial that she has anxiety,” the woman noted. 

This parenting environment undoubtedly had more negatives than positives and one of the worst was channeling the same anxiety to her kids in a way they thought was normal. The woman added that as a new millennial parent, she is also noticing similar patterns in her parenting method. This passing down of the issue is something that is not okay and needs to be stopped. However, with frequent displays of the behavior, there is no other impression that children will take in. The woman shared an instance. “If my kid is playing on the nugget couch and is near the edge and would fall on the padded floor, my mom gasps and has exaggerated physical reactions,” the woman explained. 

This anxious behavior is the only behavior the kids are seeing, understanding and learning. The woman added how even the simplest tantrums and fuss that are normal for kids are over-hyped by her mom. “I know this comes from a place of caring, but it’s a lot,” she remarked. The woman added how as an adult she realizes the impact this anxious behavior has had on her childhood. As a result of the same, she tries to regulate her emotions and “breathe” through things to be calm in the room. However, with her mom’s overwhelming anxiety, even being rational and regulating her mindset feels “wrong.”

Because the anxiety has been normalized throughout the years, the absence of the same, which is supposed to be healthy, feels like the woman “doesn’t care enough” for her children. The mom concluded by asking millennials to reflect on this unspoken yet impactful negativity. Her video resonated with many having boomer parents. @snapesangel20 wrote, “I didn’t realize I had taken all of this until my husband told me, ‘Everything isn’t a crisis.’” @brooke52525 added, “My mom’s sharp intake of air to anything has ruined me.” @moorieloo suggested, “I see my parent for the emotional age they’re at a preteen and react accordingly, it helps.”

You can follow (@itsgabiday) on TikTok for more content on parenting.