Mom wasn't happy when daycare kept calling her instead of dad - her reason resonates with a lot of parents

When parents take on roles and responsibilities for their kids, they often do so based on their skills and planning. With regards to school, preparing and feeding kids and so on, parenting duties are arranged based on their schedules. However, per the outdated stereotypical concepts, mothers are looked up to as the primary parents who are supposedly in charge of everything. The mother is expected to know everything about her child and handle all happenings that involve her child. A mom, Raina Brands (@RainaBrands), pointed out that when her son’s daycare kept calling her in spite of adding the dad as the primary contact, she had to highlight the important issue.

The mom mentioned that the daycare had consistently called her instead of the dad, every single time for the smallest to the biggest scenarios involving her son. “If he is sick and needs to come home early, they call me. If they want to give him paracetamol, they call me. If he has injured himself, they call me,” she pointed out. Brands further explained in a thread that she has insisted they call the dad first. She had also taken several measures to ensure the same is noted by the daycare. “Today they called and I asked them to always call my partner first and 2 hours later they called me again,” the mom wrote, frustrated.

In another thread, she revealed that the dad is the primary caregiver to the son, with regards to his schooling. “My partner has always been the main point of contact! He filled out all of the forms, he did all of the settling-in sessions, and he drops our son off every morning,” she wrote. She was distressed by the fact that despite the dad handling all his school duties, the mom was still being assumed as the primary person of contact. The daycare refused to acknowledge the dad as a primary caregiver even though the family had already made the system so for themselves. Stuck on gender roles and biases, they couldn’t view the dad as the major responsible parent. 

“When I say gender inequality is a self-reinforcing system, this is what I'm talking about,” the mom wrote in another thread. Mothers don’t have to be the ones looking after kids while dads go to work. This is an age-old concept that is still stuck in the minds of people. Parents are sharing tasks equally, based on their planning and society needs to adapt to the same. Fellow parents understood the mom’s frustration as they too had been facing similar biases. @EnvironSci shared, “Daycare used to do this- they'd tell me the kid needed more diapers. I would say please tell Dad. He was coming from home where the diapers were stored! I explained the logic! They still never told Dad.” 

@water_doc_doyle wrote, “The same thing happens at my girls’ school! They always call me first despite being asked to call my partner first.” @dittmannlab pointed out, “They were unable to reach me for an urgent question the other day as I had back-to-back meetings. I asked whether they had tried my husband’s number. No.” @Charioteer15 added, “I hate the way schools have these gendered assumptions.” @CJCHopper remarked, “They have 2 parents and dads can share in the hell that is the toddler room.”