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People who were once 'bullies and mean' are explaining what brought the change in them — it's eye-opening

Every bully has had some encounter, revelation or experience that pushed them to change their ways and these 10 instances are noteworthy.
PUBLISHED FEB 2, 2025
Woman reflecting and regretting previous choices of life. (Representative Cover Image Source: Pexels| Photo by RDNE Stock Project), Reddit|u/Natural_Web
Woman reflecting and regretting previous choices of life. (Representative Cover Image Source: Pexels| Photo by RDNE Stock Project), Reddit|u/Natural_Web

Many people have faced the horrible cruelty of being bullied, be it at school, at their workplace or on social media. Bullying has serious effects on the victim and can damage their mental stability to a large extent. Unfortunately, many bullies fail to understand this and seldom change. However, few are pushed to become better persons by turning their lives around and becoming more kind and compassionate. This marks a huge difference and it is often caused by a profound event in one's life.

Little boy being bullied by a bunch of students at school. (Representative Image Source: Pexels| Photo by Mikhail Nilov)
Little boy being bullied by a bunch of students at school. (Representative Image Source: Pexels| Photo by Mikhail Nilov)

Reddit user u/pocoschick called on former bullies, asking, "Former bullies and mean girls, what brought the change in you?" Many people confidently stepped up to share the eye-opening experiences that made them change their ways and develop empathy. Right from having encountered bullying as victims to seeing their loved ones hurt by the very act, these 10 instances are considerably an insightful lesson. 

1. Realization of past trauma

"When I realized I was just like my dad and I really disliked my dad." -u/kastawamy "I wasn't a bully so much but I lost my temper easily and yelled. Yep, just like dear old dad. Since I hated him so much and cut contact in 1989, I don't lose my temper and I don't yell. I hate to be yelled at. Now I just walk away or move on." -u/Kathykat5959 "You had the choice to learn from him or to rise above him. Be proud of yourself for choosing the harder choice." -u/gekigarion
Little boy rethinking his actions and trauma. (Representative Image Source: Pexels| Photo by Mikhail Nilov)
Little boy rethinking his actions and trauma. (Representative Image Source: Pexels| Photo by Mikhail Nilov)

2. Seeing things from a victim's perspective

"I got a job as a video game tester and worked with people who were bullied when they were younger. We'd tell stories and things I found funny they found traumatic and mean. As cliche as it is, I never thought about it from their perspective or thought my behavior was bullying until then. Helped me see it from the other side, I'm much more empathic now. Pretty ashamed about my behavior when I was younger." -u/GGallDAY

3. Introspection

"I became shy after a bit. I just realized that, 'Hey, I'm not better than any of these people by any means. I'm just below them.' Now, I help anyone I know who gets bullied or at least try to." -u/Natural_Web "I think becoming shy was a blessing in disguise for you, considering the fact that you care for those who are bullied not the bullies. I think you'd be the teacher who punishes the bully, not the person bullied." -u/soulmizute
Woman introspecting on her past decisions.  (Representative Image Source: Pexels| Photo by Anastasia Shuraeva)
Woman introspecting on her past decisions. (Representative Image Source: Pexels| Photo by Anastasia Shuraeva)

4. Seeking help

"I used to be really mean and bully two kids in my class in primary school, I wasn't okay mentally. To be honest, I was taking out my stress on them (I still feel guilty). When I started middle school, my mental health got worse, my depression and anxiety gave me an eating disorder and I started self-harming out of guilt. I'm in high school now, I'm a lot better, I haven't self-harmed for months, I go to therapy and I found good friends!" -u/LodatriceSolare04
Man venting to his therapist during a session. (Representative Image Source: Pexels| Photo by Cottonbro studio)
Man venting to his therapist during a session. (Representative Image Source: Pexels| Photo by Cottonbro studio)

5. Healing and self-love

"My middle school health teacher used to tell us that bullies are hurting and that's why they bully. Miss Costello, wherever you are, you were right. I've never met a bully who was happy with themselves or their life. I tell my students all the time that hurt people hurt people and I stand by that. The fastest way to help a bully change is to show them love, kindness, and compassion." -u/mha3620
Woman relaxing in a self-care and self-love routine. (Representative Image Source: Pexels| Photo by RDNE Stock Project)
Woman relaxing in a self-care and self-love routine. (Representative Image Source: Pexels| Photo by RDNE Stock Project)

6. 'Growing up'

"I was bullied and a bully in 5th-8th grade. It was like fighting for a space in the pecking order for kids. It was super toxic behavior and I didn't really recognize it. I stopped in high school and did my best to make amends with the kids I hurt." -u/gdubrocks

7. Toxic loneliness

"For more than a decade, I was a bully until people began to ignore me. The popular mean girl became a ghost. I got sick of my toxicity and started to treat people right. I now have a few (but real) friends. I acknowledge how bullsh*t I was before in order to embrace the better version of myself, but I'm not proud of who I used to be." -u/jjajangmeeeow
Lonely woman browsing phone to check messages. (Representative Image Source: Pexels| Photo by Mikoto photographer)
Lonely woman browsing phone to check messages. (Representative Image Source: Pexels| Photo by Mikoto photographer)

8. Tit for tat

"I was on the road to being a bit of a bully at a young age. I was a big kid and would toss my friends around a bit. One got really mad at me one day and told me off. It was a sobering moment where I realized maybe other people were not finding it as fun as me. Pretty much stopped it all right there. I think I was 12." -u/roboninja

9. 'There's always someone bigger and badder than you' 

"I was bullying a kid at lunch. Throwing stuff at him. A massive to me football player walked up and said something like, 'You think picking on people is funny? How would you feel if I picked on you?' and he slapped me. I was 14 and realized right there it was not my job to make people's lives harder. That there is always someone bigger and badder than you. I drew inspiration from that and have worked to help those around me in anyway I can." -u/funatical

10.  'It's easier to help'

"I went through some serious trauma with losing my parents and moving into foster care. I switched schools multiple times and after meeting so many people, I realized it was easier to help people by relating to them with what i’ve been through rather than shit on them and tear them down even more. With all I had to deal with, I didn’t want someone to pick on me because it would’ve made things worse and I couldn’t do that to someone else." -u/jamesblouris  
Boy helping bullied victim in school. (Representative Image Source: Pexels| Photo by Mikhail Nilov)
Boy helping bullied victim in school. (Representative Image Source: Pexels| Photo by Mikhail Nilov)
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