She was consumed by guilt over 'Do Not Resuscitate' order for her ill mom—then she got a life-changing call from hospital
Trigger Warning - This article contains themes of suicide that can be distressing for some readers.
Letting go of a loved one might not be an easy thing for a person. Especially if they have to make a difficult decision to do the same. A daughter had to make one such decision to not resuscitate her mom after she stopped breathing. It was an incredibly challenging thing for the woman and she was overcome with guilt after her mom passed away. But then, the daughter, Ashley Ludlow, received a call from the hospital that changed her outlook towards the situation, per NPR.
Back in 2005, Ashley got a call that her mom, Judy, had tried to commit suicide because of her mental health challenges. "For anyone who has lost a loved one to suicide, you know how difficult this is. All of the mixed emotions, the guilt, the sadness. There are so many complicated feelings wrapped up into it all," the woman expressed. The mom was found unconscious and rushed to the hospital, where she had to be put on life support. The daughter wanted to be by her mom's side in Florida, but it wasn't possible to travel because of Hurricane Katrina. "I had many [phone] conversations with the hospital about her outcome. I didn't want my mom to suffer, but I also didn't want my mom to end up living not as herself. That is not what she would've wanted at all."
Ashley had been given the power of attorney for her mother and could decide what step would be taken if a difficult medical decision had to be made. The woman gave a "Do Not Resuscitate" order, so if the mom stopped breathing, she would not be resuscitated. "I knew based on what she had written out that those were her wishes. But having to tell someone that out loud was agonizing. I was heartbroken and the decision made me feel like I was ending my mom's life and the guilt was overwhelming." Judy passed away a few days later and the daughter questioned the choice that she had made for her mom. But then Ashley received an unexpected call a week later.
"A male nurse who had worked in the ICU at this hospital in Florida called to tell me that he had been one of the nurses who had taken care of my mother and that my mother had never woken up, showed zero signs of pain and passed away peacefully," Ashley recalled. Those words made a big difference in how the woman felt about her mom's death. "He took the time to call me days later to tell me this information, to basically ease my burden and to let me know that the difficult decision that I had to make for my mom was indeed the right one." The woman thought about the person even 20 years after her mom's death.
"I don't remember this guy's name, but I do remember how he made me feel and how he changed my life." Losing a loved one to suicide can be a very painful experience for a person, according to a study. So they might need all the support they can get. Feelings of guilt, confusion, rejection, shame, anger and more are often felt as an aftermath. Survivors of suicide loss also have a higher chance of developing major depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, suicidal behaviors and a prolonged form of grief known as complicated grief. Unique supportive measures and targeted treatment become essential in such a scenario.
If you are having thoughts about taking your own life, or know of anyone who is, please contact The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.