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Smoker grandma complains about daughter's shower rule before meeting her newborn, gets brilliant reply from columnist

The grandmother found the rule to be inconvenient and unreasonable but the columnist had a valid response that shifted perspective.
PUBLISHED NOV 25, 2024
(L) A senior woman smoking a cigarette in a dark room (Representative Cover Image Source: Getty Images| Photo by kali9), (R) Mom with toddler in disagreement with grandmother. (Representative Cover Image Source: Getty Images| Photo by JackF)
(L) A senior woman smoking a cigarette in a dark room (Representative Cover Image Source: Getty Images| Photo by kali9), (R) Mom with toddler in disagreement with grandmother. (Representative Cover Image Source: Getty Images| Photo by JackF)

Newborns and infants are delicate and weak and need utmost care. Even grandparents and family members interacting with them must be cautious when approaching them and be healthy and hygienic. The littlest factors can wreak havoc on a baby’s health and that's why, parents try to keep reasonable boundaries when it comes to people meeting their child. A smoker grandmother shared how her daughter, too, had made up a rule for her before she could meet the baby, per Syracuse. Writing to columnist Abigail Van Buren, the woman expressed her disappointment in complying with the rules only to meet a family member she dearly loved. On listening to her story, the writer had a spot-on response. 

Elderly woman smoking. (Representative Image Source: Getty Images| Photo by Luliia Burmistrova)
Elderly woman smoking. (Representative Image Source: Getty Images| Photo by Luliia Burmistrova)

The grandmother mentioned that she already had one grandchild and was to welcome her second in a few months. However, she was perplexed by the rules the parents had decided on. “I have been struggling lately with all the rules and boundaries my children are placing on me,” the woman remarked. She explained that having access to the internet and other sources, the parents are more careful and have more knowledge than she ever did. Unfortunately, the same caused her much inconvenience, especially in meeting and bonding with her grandchild. Sharing about her daughter’s pregnancy and soon-due delivery, the grandma mentioned that the mom insisted on one particular rule. 

Woman having an argument with her elderly mom. (Representative Image Source: Getty Images| Photo by jeffbergen)
Woman having an argument with her elderly mom. (Representative Image Source: Getty Images| Photo by jeffbergen)

She asked the grandmom to shower and wear clean clothes before she could meet the baby. The reason behind the same was to protect the baby from “third-hand smoke.” “She’s afraid of third-hand smoke. I am, unfortunately, a smoker,” the woman confessed. The grandmother added, “I would never smoke around her baby. I don’t even smoke in the house but she has told me it’s her rule. I have read everything about third-hand smoke and haven’t found any statistics about the amount of exposure it would take to harm a baby.” Nevertheless, the woman has thought of quitting altogether but still believes her daughter is “over the top” about this rule.

In response, Buren poignantly penned down the practicality behind the mother’s concern while understanding the grandmother’s plight. She noted that while the woman may not understand the inconveniences and ill-effects of smoking as a long-time smoker, others do suffer. She explained how even the strong smell of tobacco and other products is harmful and disturbing to non-smokers. Revealing that the grandmother wouldn’t find the smell and effects as severe as she’s used to it, the columnist advised her to be mindful of others. “It clings to the smoker’s hair, skin, clothing and surroundings,” she highlighted. 

Passive smoking in pregnancy. (Representative Image Source: Getty Images| Photo by vchal)
Passive smoking in pregnancy. (Representative Image Source: Getty Images| Photo by vchal)

She also strongly noted that the mom knows what’s best for her baby and has the right to make rules and choices. “You are entitled to think whatever you wish, but as you stated, this is your daughter’s rule, and if you are going to interact with that grandchild, you will have to respect it,” Buren wrote. She concluded by sharing her hope that the grandma would quit smoking altogether as she’d be doing “everyone a favor- including yourself.”

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