Former bully shares mom's thoughtful and effective method that transformed her—'Good shame'

Bullies don’t understand the impact their actions have until someone explains it to them or until they get a taste of their own medicine. For kids who think that bullying is justified, parents and guardians need to figure out a decent approach to make them understand the repercussions of the cruel act. A woman who goes by @absurdolbivion on TikTok recalled the one time she was a bully as a kid and how her mum approached the situation. She pointed out that her mother took matters into her own hands and her unique and unexpected method ensured she never bullied anyone again. The woman mentioned that she was a bully around the age of 9 or 10.

She bullied a girl on her school bus for a couple of weeks but when her mum found out, she approached the situation in such a way that it made quite a difference. Speaking about bullying in general, she noted, “The first skill that you have to build in the bully is empathy.” Sharing her own story, she revealed that her mum only used “gentle parenting” while raising her. “So I never had punishments, only natural consequences to my behavior,” she explained. When the mom learned about the bullying, she was “shaken and mad.” The woman explained that her mum would often be upset but not as angry as she was after hearing that her daughter was a bully.

Recalling the incident, she explained, “My mom called my name. And the way she called my name, I knew she was mad. She said, ‘Tell me what’s going on on the bus?’” Her mom went on with a gentle conversation, trying to make her daughter understand how the victim might have felt due to her actions. The woman was also told that the victim’s mom was “upset” and she was left red-faced. “In my mind, I’m like, ‘Oh no, everybody knows. It’s no longer a secret. The evil, awful, atrocious things I was saying — everybody knows about them,” she said. The woman decided to apologize but her mother only stared at her. “I could tell she was so mad. She was like, ‘Now.’ I was like, ‘Now?’ and she said, ‘Yes. Now,’” the woman noted.

The mom ordered her daughter to immediately “march” to the girl’s house. “My mom was not a ‘march your a*s’ girl. She was a ‘get your shoes on or we’ll be late' person,” the woman said, feeling petrified and unable to believe. “I said, ‘Sorry for saying horrible things to you.’ My mom was like, ‘Such as?’” the woman recounted. She mentioned that her mother made her repeat every remark and apologize in front of the girl and her mother. One of the comments the woman had made was, “I’m glad your dad is dead so he doesn’t have to see who you are now.” The mom ensured that her daughter repeated that remark and apologized.

“There's still a pit in my stomach. I still feel ashamed about that. I never want to let go of that shame. That shame is good,” she remarked. Furthermore, the mom even asked her to apologize to the victim’s mom. “I had to say all the same things to her mother’s face,” she recalled. “I still feel sick about it,” she added. “To this day, if I saw her on the street, I’d feel bad,” she said. “My mum could have done other things but the fact that I had to stand in her house and repeat the atrocious things I said to her in front of her mom, that was horrifying,” she pointed out.

You can follow (@absurdoblivion) on TikTok for more content on lifestyle and parenting.