Harvard professor reveals 4 'TALK' rules that may help you become a great conversationalist

While some people naturally excel at conversations, most of us struggle with it. So what’s the key to making discussions effortlessly engaging? According to Alison Wood Brooks, a professor at Harvard Business School, great conversations aren’t about dominating the discussion or having all the right answers. Instead, they focus on making people feel understood. "We’re all very hungry to feel understood. It’s not even that we need people to agree with us. We just need to know that what we said or did registered," Brooks explains, as reported by CNBC. In her book, "Talk: The Science of Conversation and the Art of Being Ourselves," Brooks breaks down what makes for a truly great discussion.

She introduces a framework called TALK, which stands for Topics, Asking, Levity, and Kindness. These four essential elements can help anyone become a better conversationalist. The first is topics. One of the biggest mistakes people make, she says, is going into conversations without thinking about what they’ll actually talk about. Just like people put thought into their outfits before an event, Brooks suggests preparing conversation topics ahead of time. Having a few ideas in mind can help prevent awkward silences and keep discussions flowing. She suggests considering questions like "What happened during our last conversation that I can call back to?" or "What’s happened in their life since we last spoke that I can or should remember to ask about?"

Not every topic needs to be deep, and small talk is perfectly fine, as long as it doesn’t get stuck on repetitive subjects like the weather. Brooks says that a good conversation naturally goes to and fro between deeper discussions and lighter topics. Another key to better discussions is asking more questions—and not just for the sake of it. According to Brooks, you can never ask too many. She says that even when a question isn’t completely sincere, most people appreciate the effort. If you want to transition to a new subject, asking a question can help move the discussion forward smoothly. However, not all questions are helpful.

Brooks warns against certain types that can shut conversations down, such as "boomerasking." This is when someone asks a question just so they can answer it themselves. Another type is gotcha questions, which are designed to test someone’s knowledge. Then there are repeated questions, which can make the conversation feel like it’s going in circles.

While conversations should have substance, they shouldn’t feel like a chore. The third element of a better conversation is levity. Brooks explains that it is just as important as pre-planning or asking the right questions.

Complimenting others, reacting enthusiastically, and genuinely laughing at their jokes can make a conversation far more enjoyable. People are naturally drawn to those who bring warmth and energy to an interaction. Kindness is the final piece of the equation. Brooks stresses that conversations are not about being the smartest person in the room but about making others feel heard and valued. She encourages people to really listen, ask follow-up questions, and show that they’re engaged, not judging. Even if you don’t agree with someone, acknowledging their perspective and engaging with respect can lead to more meaningful discussions.