Man, 40, seeks bride 8 years younger to have half a dozen kids while he avoids parenting — matchmaker’s response challenged more than just his demands
“Traditional marriage” can bring questions of power, gender roles, and male entitlement to the surface. Dear Baji Matchmaking’s Nida Vahidy, who goes by @leveluponepercent on Instagram, explored that tension in a September 11, 2026, post after working with a physician in his early 40s who wanted a wife at least eight years younger and was willing to travel overseas to find her. One of the women she matched with him reached out and asked her to read their conversation, in which he had told her that he wanted six or seven children and a wife who would stay home to care for them. Their conversation raised more questions for the woman, making her more doubtful about proceeding with the alliance.
Vahidy messaged him that his expectations were already narrowing his pool of potential matches: a younger, attractive woman willing to embrace a traditional marriage and have a large family. According to her, the bigger concern was his attitude toward parenting. Wanting six or seven children while having no intention of helping care for them could understandably make a prospective wife question what she was signing up for. She warned that such an "insane" arrangement could eventually create resentment within the family, and urged him to reconsider his expectations and seek therapy.
As she explained in her follow-up video, he said he meant that he did not want to take “primary responsibility” for childcare, rather than refusing to help altogether. He also said he could not remember the exact conversation because he no longer had access to the chat. Vahidy pointed out that the woman had allowed him to clarify himself when she asked whether he was joking. Instead, he had said he could not “do both” because he would be bringing in the money. When the woman subsequently said they were not compatible, he made no apparent effort to explain his position.
He later clarified that he wanted to be involved in what he considered the “raising side” of parenting, including playing with and socializing with his children. What he did not want responsibility for, he said, were tasks such as feeding and changing diapers. He argued that families with sufficient resources could hire help to handle those responsibilities. The matchmaker challenged that distinction. She said outsourcing household work did not address the underlying issue, because he had not communicated to his prospective match that he intended to contribute to raising the children or helping around the home.
When the conversation then moved into the question of division of labor, he argued that couples should have clearly defined responsibilities and said he was willing to take on 100% of the financial responsibility. If he was providing financially for the family, he questioned why he should also be expected to perform half of the household work. Vahidy pointed out that nobody had asked for a 50-50 split.
The matchmaker's concern was the way he was approaching the negotiation itself. He even asked what was wrong with trying to see “how much I can get away with.” He also argued that people judging his expectations did not understand his culture or religion and were speaking from ignorance. In another update, Vahidy shared more of their exchange. She told him that everything he had communicated so far made her feel it was not "ethical" for her to find him a match. When she suggested hearing perspectives from other men and women, he dismissed them as people who did not understand his culture or religion.
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