Mom-to-be sets boundaries when mother-in-law insists baby have her maiden name as last name
Many people tend to comply with their parents' wishes in order to keep them happy. But sometimes, a person might feel like all of their boundaries are being crossed. A woman felt the same when her mother-in-law was adamant that their baby should have her maiden name as its last name, even though neither of the parents had it. The woman, u/LilRed9967, took to Reddit to share the incident with the internet and to ask them for advice about her situation.
The woman and her fiance were about to have their first child and didn't know the baby's gender at that time. So, the couple had decided to look for both boy and girl names. "We’ve fallen in love with names already. My fiancé has his father’s last name and that name is on his birth certificate," the 24-year-old shared. The man's mother has an entirely different last name and is "hellbent" that the baby should have her last name. The parents don't agree with the decision. "She has been very manipulative in the past with various things to the point where we have given in to just get her to leave us alone about things," the woman expressed. But this time the couple didn't want to give in to the person's demands.
"She proceeded to throw the 'I raised you, he didn’t' card and even said she was going to go to the court to change my fiancés last name which I found hilarious seeing he’s a grown adult," the woman went on. The mother-in-law has four sons and two of them have her last name. All of them are straight, so there are chances that they will all have babies as per the person. This might give her a chance to have a baby in the family with her last name anyway. The woman tried to convince her fiance to not give in this time around and to help set boundaries. "[She] has it so deep in his mind that he has to please her and that she’s entitled to make these decisions because she raised him." She added, "Not to mention she had demanded to be at my gender ultrasound instead of waiting for the reveal we have planned at our baby shower."
The woman wondered if she was wrong. People took to the comments section to support the woman. u/No-Accountant3744 wrote, "Remember, no matter what mother-in-law demands only you get to decide who is there for any medical appointments and the delivery. Not sure where you live but as your not yet married odds are even the father can’t fill out the paperwork for the child’s name without you. Sounds like major boundaries are long overdue and hopefully your fiancé realizes he doesn’t have to please his mum."
u/Trick_Delivery409 commented, "Here are some prompts for you to say: Only choices are your last name or mine. If you don't make the choice, I will choose. It will never be her last name. Your mom is stressing me out. She is banned from ALL doctor's appointments and from the delivery room. You will be blocked too if you don't make it clear to her. If you don't start to set better boundaries with your mom, I think we need to reevaluate our relationship and what it looks like going forward. Therapy may be helpful. But you can't change someone - they have to want to change." In an update, she shared that she had ended up talking to her fiance and the couple would remain firm on their decision. The woman also made her doctor draw up an official document that would bar anyone apart from the father from her appointments.