Do opposites really attract in relationships? Psychologist says the answer may not be what you think

Whether it's an introvert or an extrovert, a calm or an overly enthusiastic person, the “opposites attract” conception is built among many people. With special reference to relationships, many believe those with contrasting character traits are likely to complement each other. The most common reason behind this mindset is that the distinction will balance things out and eventually work out in a relationship. However, there's more to it than what meets the eye. A study published in the journal Nature Human Behaviour revealed that things may be slightly different when it comes to long-term relationships. The study, conducted on partners including co-parents, married couples, engaged couples and others, concerning multiple traits, had unique conclusions. 

The study first pointed out that couples in a healthy relationship are likely to have more correlation. This means that a partner is more likely to pick up and adapt to the other's traits, whether it be exercise, mindset or lifestyle, per Live Science. Tanya Horwitz, a researcher at the University of Colorado, explained that, according to statistics, 89% of couples showed a positive correlation with each other, meaning they blended with each other's lifestyles. "It was surprising just how uncommon it is to see a trend where people are less similar,” she remarked. For the most part, many couples tend to pick people with similarities for the longer run.

"When people talk about opposites attracting, that's thought of as being, 'Oh, I know this one couple; they got together, and they don't have a lot in common.' But it tends to be the exception to the rule," Erica Slotter, a psychologist at Villanova University in Pennsylvania. Slotter stressed the fact that similarity is a “robust predictor” of attraction and noted that most people prefer having someone they can relate to. "Most of the time, people say they want people who are like them," Slotter said. She noted that there are several factors that people look for similarity rather than contrast. Religion, values, lifestyle and more top the list. However, Horwitz was mindful to note that simply homogeneity among couples is not necessarily the conclusion.

One trait that tends to be different between partners is how they take charge in social interactions, also known as social dominance. For instance, where one partner may be more assertive and comfortable in social situations, the other may hold back and be more observant. These two distinctions coming together are what work for most couples. Slotter explained that having things otherwise would be problematic for couples. She added that people with opposing social interaction traits tend to connect better. If both partners have the same traits in social settings, it likely won't help them grow as individuals and balance the same. 

So what is the conclusion of the opposites attract theory then? The main reason why people are attracted despite their differences is chemistry. There is more chemistry visible, especially with dating online. However, Horwitz pointed out that who we attract in such scenarios may not always be the people we prefer in a physical or emotional setting. Despite having chemistry, while interacting in person and spending time with others, partners tend to want people who are similar to them. The exposure to habits, lifestyle and more makes them lean towards desiring homogeneity over heterogeneity. If the chemistry factor comes into play for opposites, correlation is what helps couples maintain long-lasting relationships. 

This article originally appeared 3 months ago.