Therapist mom shares 'the only way to have a healthy relationship' with kids as a stepmom

Life can be hard for step-parents, especially for those who are just trying to love and accept their partner’s children. Moreover, building a parent-child bond requires effort and healing from both sides. Stepmoms often have a harder time making an emotional and raw relationship with stepkids. They try everything in their power, right from pampering to overwhelming love. Similarly, a mom and therapist named Abby–who goes by @abbytherapist on TikTok–revealed that these efforts may or may not work. However, what is most important for stepmoms is to follow one rule while trying to find a place in the hearts of their stepkids and it hits the nail on the head. 

“There are a lot of things that are challenging about being a step-parent,” Abby said. She added that while most of these are unexpected and step-parents are still navigating their way through, there is one crucial rule. Abby first encouraged stepmoms to drift away from panicking and making things “overcomplicated.” She then noted the most important rule that will play an impactful role in deciding the relationship a stepmom has with the child. “The child decides the relationship and the pace of the relationship,” the therapist noted. She explained that it is the “only way to have a healthy relationship with a stepchild.” 

Kids are still trying to figure out so much, with even more emotions playing during such processes. They need the time and space to decide how the relationship will work out. “You cannot force it. You cannot make them treat you as a mom if they don’t consider you as a mom,” she remarked. In her caption, she added, “Step relationships can be complex, give it time, don’t push it.” Kids will mostly always be inclined towards their birth moms and the idea of replacing them is almost detested. Trying to get them to make a decision or choose between either two moms is only going to result in negativity.

In a similar story, a biological mom (u/InternationalTaro233) on Reddit shared how her kids were disappointed by their stepmom, who tried to become their “true mom.” When she continued to impose her love and title, the kids began disliking her all the more. “She would call them her boys and she said she was a boy mom whenever she was speaking to me. She tried to push my ex back and ordered all communication about them go through her instead of him and when I refused, she told me I didn't have the right,” the birth mom noted. She added that the stepmom was constantly trying to force her duty as a mother onto the kids, neglecting their emotions and feelings about the matter.

When the biological mom addressed the issue legally in court, her kids supported her and mentioned their discomfort with the stepmother’s impending love. As a result, the stepmom was ordered by the court to no longer have freedom with the kids and that certain restrictions would be imposed on her relationship with the kids, which she had to follow.

You can follow Abby (@abbytherapist) on TikTok for more content on parenting and motherhood.