John Steinbeck’s son wrote to him confessing he had fallen desperately in love. His beautiful response is a must-read.
The bond between a father and son, especially when it comes to delicate topics like love and manhood is unique and profound. Many fathers often share insights from their experiences, while others impart wisdom based on their knowledge. Regardless of how they do it, fathers have much advice they’d like to share with their children, especially during the teenage years. When American author and Nobel Prize winner John Steinbeck's son told him about a classmate he fell in love with, he had a noteworthy response, per LitHub. Writing to his 14-year-old son, who was in a boarding school at the time, the father shared a thoughtful and kind message that many of us can relate to even today.
After reading his son's letter, Steinbeck found that he had fallen in love with a girl named Susan. Understanding that his son was at a tender age where love was just the beginning, the author wrote back with a piece of timeless advice. The contents of the letter began with Steinbeck highlighting that love “is one of the best things to happen to anyone,” per Atkins Bookshelf. He reassured his son that he shouldn’t be ashamed or worried about falling in love. Secondly, the author highlighted the "several kinds of love" and why one needs to be cautious about the kind of love they’re feeling.
Sharing two poignant types of love, Steinbeck pointed out how one is selfish and the other is outpouring. “One is a selfish, mean, grasping, egotistical thing which uses love for self-importance. This is the ugly and crippling kind. The other is an outpouring of everything good in you — of kindness, consideration, and respect — not only the social respect of manners but the greater respect which is recognition of another person as unique and valuable,” he wrote. The dad then noted that the first kind can make one “small, weak and sick.” However, the other, he said, would “release in you strength, courage, goodness and even wisdom you didn’t know you had.”
Specifically responding to the contents of Thom’s letter, the father noted that he couldn’t explain what Thom was feeling. That was something only he could do himself. Instead, he offered a guide on what he could do about what he was feeling. He shared a few pointers that began with being proud and happy about the fact that he is in love. “Glory in it for one thing and be very glad and grateful for it,” he wrote. Next, he urged him to live up to the idea of what love is and what it entails.
Thirdly, he suggested being mindful of how he expressed his love. “There is no possible harm in saying so — only you must remember that some people are very shy and sometimes the saying must consider that shyness. Girls have a way of knowing or feeling what you feel, but they usually like to hear it also,” he pointed out. Lastly, Steinbeck noted one of the most important parts of the whole play of love that many ignore. He pointed out, “It sometimes happens that what you feel is not returned for one reason or another — but that does not make your feeling less valuable and good.” The father concluded the letter by offering his support on this journey of love. He also assured him not to worry should it not work. He highlighted, “Nothing good gets away.”