Parenting teenagers expert shares 5 major things parents should never talk to their kids about

There has been a constant rise in the different types of parenting styles. It might confuse parents who are browsing through the internet to figure out the best possible way to deal with their kids. So, Angela Karanja, an adolescent psychologist and parenting expert for teenagers, has been suggesting every mom and dad to avoid saying certain things to their children. According to The Sun, Karanja had a chat with a top psychologist Albert Bandura and explained that "behavior, values, beliefs, and attitudes are easily passed on through observation, hearing, and imitating others." “As young people with undeveloped brains, kids haven’t got much mental agility or ability to question what is being presented to them whether that be good or bad. The younger the kid, the more damning the effects are," Karanja shared.

"The subconscious mind is open and subjective to all sorts of suggestions before the age of seven," Karanja further explained, mentioning that a child is likely to grow up and become the mirror image of their primary carers. “If there’s a change of attitude from parents and primary carers, beliefs and attitudes can be reversed in the same way they were learned - by relearning and formation of new brain neuropathy and thus, shifting beliefs, habits, and behavior. Unlearning and relearning is not an easy process according to the brain and body," she added. So, here are 5 crucial things, according to the parenting expert, that a primary carer should never talk about to or in front of their kids.

1. Avoid talking negatively about former partners and family members

Many parents are separated and they share the custody of their children. There are certain instances where one parent might talk ill about their ex-partner out of spite. This leaves a lasting negative impression on their children and it should be avoided at all costs. Karanja addressed this issue and talked about how these parents "fail to understand that the child is a blend of both parents." While they talk negatively about each other in front of their kid, the young ones start seeing themselves in a negative light as well. “This also goes for saying negative things about other family members. This can create internal division and tear the kid apart because there’s dissonance in the kid’s heart and because a part of them or their family is being hated," Karanja states.

2. Don't talk about fears of adult responsibilities

Growing up comes with adult responsibilities and children need positive education and awareness about it, especially when it comes to handling finances. But that doesn't mean a parent has to teach them about adult responsibilities in a hard way. "You should never talk about money and disease worries," Karanja advises. "Kids model parents’ lives and how parents interpret the world. This is burdening because the kids are now worried and these are adult responsibilities that kids have no power to alleviate." When parents have a negative outlook towards adult responsibilities and money and talk fearfully about them in front of their kids, they transfer these fears to them. It pushes the young people into a state of hopeless and helpless position which interferes with their normal childhood development.

3. Don't loath yourself in front of your kids

Karanja strictly mentions that a parent should never use self-deprecating words in front of their children. Saying things like "I am such a failure," "I am useless," or "I am fat" aren't the right words to use while raising a child. “Consider a parent as a leader, how positively influential are they when they have no faith in themselves?" she asked and added, "Doing this in the presence of their kids who are so impressionable, parents teach by the demonstration that it is ok to not have faith in self."

4. Don't negatively criticize others 

The founder of Guide Education, Leon Hady, mentioned that criticizing your or others' appearance or weight isn't the right thing to do if you have children around you. We already know that children learn a great deal by watching and listening so criticizing your own body or someone else's in front of them can impact how they perceive themselves as well. “Criticising your own body sends the message that your child’s value is intrinsically linked to their appearance. Openly talking about wanting aspects of your body to change can have children interpret bodies as ‘good’ should they conform to certain beauty standards or ‘bad’ if they don’t," Hady explained. "Rather, talking about bodies coming in all different shapes, sizes and colors and how incredible our bodies are shows your children how to love and accept their own.” 

5. Avoid stereotypical comments and responses

There are many stereotypical remarks that kids have to listen to. Phrases such as "boys don't cry" or "good girls sit quietly" should never be uttered in front of kids in their formative years or at any point in the future. Karanja stresses how these are some of the most subtle and harmful stereotypes of the modern day. “Imagine constantly telling kids to not express themselves. They learn to be quiet, to go along, to not listen to their intuition. Then what happens when they are abused? They hold onto their deep-held beliefs of ‘boys will not cry,' and girls will keep quiet because they are conditioned to do so," Karanja concluded. "Children can suffer because of the stereotypical beliefs passed to them."