Therapist's critiques of millennial and boomer parenting styles spark eye-opening reaction from both generations

Each generation has had its own style of parenting that comes with pros and cons. The older generations’ parenting methods have had their set of harsh implications and hence, have been discontinued or modified. A therapist named Stephanie–who goes by @stephanne221 on TikTok–revealed why boomers' and millennials' parenting tactics need to change. She provided constructive criticism as to why their ideal version of parenting didn’t work and both generations had shockingly different responses. Starting with millennial parents, the therapist shared a “Still-Face” experiment which explained how “millennials” can “f**k” their kids up.

The experiment consisted of a mother and her infant. The baby, being non-verbal, was trying to communicate with gestures, actions, sounds and expressions. In the first half, the mom spoke to her baby, acknowledged and reacted to the baby's signs and expressions and communicated with her non-verbally through a smile and excitement. The baby understood the mom through these actions and was responding, thus creating healthy communication. In the second half, the mom was asked to keep a still face and not make any expressions or gestures. The baby immediately got confused and tried to motion or signal the mom.

Upon receiving no response, the infant began to “bid for attention,” making even louder or abrupt gestures. The baby realized she was getting rejected by the mother and tried harder. It caused the baby to “dysregulate." Stephanie explained that when millennial parents are attached to their phones, they’re doing exactly this with their babies. Their still face towards the phone in their children's presence causes a sense of rejection to float in the kids' minds. “If you are not giving your child that attunement and empathetic connection, they’re going to seek it from someone else,” the therapist cautioned.

Millennial parents took the caveat seriously and had an accepting response. @professionalbabymomma said, “I hope that because millennials are so bent on breaking curses, we are more open to recognizing when we’re being told and changing.” @alannasfriendwashere added, “Wow, I needed this slap in the face.” Coming to boomer parents in another video, Stephanie noted that the major thing she learned about their parenting style is the lack of accountability. “The price of not taking accountability is isolation,” she said. Parents have the choice to either accept and understand their kids or “dissuade” and defend themselves when kids provide feedback.

She noted that each choice has a consequence. “The first choice is difficult and has distress of its own. It requires you to regulate your own emotions,” she explained. This consequence leads to “relationship enhancing." Unfortunately, the second choice might avoid the pain altogether but is more of a “relationship-destroying tactic.” Stephanie mentioned that removing oneself and one’s behavior from a situation leaves only the second person in it. This results in parents wondering why their children reacted in the way they did, not understanding that they’re the ones who triggered it.

“The lack of accountability allows me to blame it on them. If I choose that, I will also be choosing isolation and no contact,” she remarked. Many boomers didn’t take this well. They had a contrary reaction compared to millennials. @sorey.maroc.ned said, “Why blame parents whose parents were worse than boomer parents?” @user877703315018 added, “Yeah, it's always the other person’s fault. That’s the definition of taking accountability.” In a follow-up video, Stephanie mentioned that she was surprised by the contradictory responses. She added that the boomers' comments spoke volumes about what she was trying to convey.

She cautioned parents that the greatest pain is to lose a child, either by death or by losing the bond. She urged parents to get therapy and even work individually on their relationship with their children. She added that the “only option” parents now have is to take the necessary action to regulate their feelings and “show up emotionally” for their kids.

You can follow Stephanie (@stephanne221) on TikTok for more content on family and parenting.