People are revealing the 'unspoken reality of parenting' that no one talks about — it's painfully real
People can prepare for parenting as much as they like but there are always some parts that leave one surprised. The role of a lifetime has only so much that can be contained and prepared for. At so many stages of a child's life, a parent witnesses the most important learnings through the most random experiences. If we knew the lessons parenting had in store for us, it wouldn't be as impactful and so the irony, joy, pain and every other feeling are bundled in vivid realities that we realize only over time. A user, u/US_Atlas, asked parents to share “an unspoken reality of parenting that people simply don’t talk about, but everyone knows is true?" Moms and dads recounted poignant life-lessons taught directly and indirectly and as bittersweet as it might be, it's still a treasure.
1. Funny connection of time and a parent
You never realize how time flies when you're a parent. While you're busy with homework, activities, prom and whatnot, suddenly, your baby is all grown up. u/ScopeCr33p shared, "The younger they are, the more they want your time. The older they are, the more you want their time." It's ironic how we can't sometimes wait to get away from our over-enthusiastic toddlers and yet, ache for one weekend when they're miles away. It's a feeling every parent relates to. u/mightyrj added, "This straight up goes along with the days are long but the years are short.”
2. A heap load of bittersweet irony
u/hypermagical20 rightly noted, "Parenting is teaching someone you can't live without how to live without you." As parents, our duty is to help make our kids independent but it's hard to accept that it also involves a little letting go. u/kotom noted, "Each stage they grow into, you lose the version you knew and loved before. Sometimes, I miss my little toddler buddy who thought I was cool. My son is a preteen now and sometimes I miss younger versions of him like an old friend I haven’t seen in years." You spend months teaching them to eat and when they finally lift that fork and spoon, you're the happiest and yet, sorrow is hovering.
3. It's Messy
u/alexthegreatmc said, "Sometimes, you won't like your kid. You'll love them because they're yours. But they're their own person with an individual personality. Sometimes, that personality sucks." There are days when we all have yelled out things we never thought we would. Perhaps even lost control of our positive parenting and gone against everything we planned and some days are hard. And they're hard because you care.
4. Intrusive thoughts
You never want your child to get hurt but because you're so focused on protecting them, you're seeing every terrifying way they might get beaten up — even as they become adults. u/Aiyakiu mentioned, "You are watching your toddler run around the room happily and then BAM, in your mind, you see them falling and cracking their head against the table. I see every danger, in a paranoid way, my child could endure. She will be eating a bag of fruit snacks and BAM, I'm imagining she's choking. It wears me out and terrifies me. I talked to my mom about it, other mom friends about it, and they're all like, 'Oh yeah, we have that.'"
5. The 'what-ifs'
Many parents find themselves wondering what life would be like if they didn't have kids. Some might even find the alternative better and that's okay. u/TriviaBrain explained, "Occasionally, you will think about different choices you could have made with your life. And someone, or maybe yourself, will say 'but I wouldn’t have the kids,' and there’s a statistical chance above 0% that you may think that’s okay. And it’s fine if you do. You love your kids. You are glad you have them. It’s okay to think about the alternate universe where you aren’t a parent."
6. The 'lasts' never come announced
As much as you'd love to, you'll never know when it's the last time your toddler misspells a word or called you "mama" instead of "mom." And as much as you'd like to capture the last with the firsts, it's never going to give you a date. So, give it your best in every moment. u/CicadaIntelligent120 remarked, "The lasts will always sneak up on you. At some point, you'll set them down and never pick them up again. You'll change the last diaper. They'll come crawl into bed with you for the last time. You'll play with them and their toys for the last time. And what's worse? You don't know it's the last time. You'll do something mundane and it'll hit you like a brick wall, and you won't remember the last time you did something, but you'll feel the emptiness it leaves behind."
7. It's not in your hands really
We hope to give our kids the best and rightly so. However, at the end of the day, they will be individuals making their own choices and leading their own lives. So you can't control what they make of it. u/queequegaz said, "You can do everything right as a parent, but your kids may still not be successful, or happy." u/ObfuscateMe45 quoted Jean-Luc Picard and said, "It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not weakness, that is life."
8. You're not their friend, you're a parent
u/WrittenWritest explained this perfectly. "You are a parent, not a friend. They will have plenty of those come and go. Keep them, their best interests and their future always in mind. When they get there, you'll be their best friend by their own free will. Not ruling with an iron fist but ruling with a firm tone that puts a foot down when needed, but keeps open ears and arms always. Be a parent."
9. It can get harder
Staying up with a newborn might not be the hardest thing you do as a parent. As they grow, there will be times when life will throw the worst at them and you have to be prepared to be their pillar. u/zenos_dog shared an example. "It’s easy to kiss a toddler’s boo-boo and make it better. It’s really hard when your teenager loses the love of their life." u/Upbeat-Ability9244 added, "It does not get any easier as they get older. Bigger kids have bigger problems. I wish people were honest about that."
10. You can't always protect
As much as you'd want to hold your child each time he or she falls, you have to let them learn. u/UncleTruck revealed, "If you spend their entire childhood 'protecting' them from everything, you’re protecting them from nothing. You’re actually denying them the opportunity to learn how to deal with the world around them." Kids need to go through some downs because that's where a person learns some of the most important life lessons that shape them. As much as it stings, you have to hold back from protecting them at some point.
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