Psychologist demonstrates the ingenious '7-inch' rule that works every time she argues with her husband

We often have arguments with loved ones, and sometimes, a seemingly small matter turns into a big inconvenience. These can lead to bitter feelings and disrupt relationships. If only there were a way to calm an argument down without yelling and getting bitter. It turns out, there is. A spiritual psychologist, Dr. Rathika Marsh (@the_spiritual_psychologist), revealed that she came across a ‘7-inch’ rule that she diligently follows when she argues with her husband. Demonstrating the same during one of their bitter communications, she showed how it immediately changes the trajectory of the scenario and evolves into something so much better.

“I saw an account that suggested we should express our anger up close. So we tried it. 24 years together and this is by far the funniest communication strategy I ever heard of,” Marsh wrote in her caption. The video captured the couple face-to-face, extremely close to each other. The duo was so close that their foreheads and noses were touching each other. “Our attempt at communicating our anger up close,” she wrote in the text overlay. As the couple got closer, they could not be mad or ignorant of each other. On the contrary, within seconds, the duo was giggling uncontrollably.

As much as they tried to remain serious, they were unable to hold back their laughter. “You’re mad at me, be mad at me. Why are you laughing so much?” Marsh’s partner said as he tried hard to fight his chuckles. Meanwhile, Marsh herself couldn’t keep a straight face, let alone be mad. Even before she could say anything, the awkward proximity was way too hysterical to dwell on the anger. The duo eventually got to discussing their problem, but instead of an argument, it was a conversation with random bursts of laughter. “Why are you so OCD?” Marsh asked. “Why are you so f***ing messy?” her husband replied.

She countered him with another question, still laughing hard. “Why are you so angry all the time?” “Because I have to clean up after you,” he replied. Jordan Dann (@jordandann), a somatic couples therapist, shared her opinion on this method. Reposting Marsh’s video, she noted, “This couple has hacked conflict by bringing themselves closer instead of pulling away during arguments.” She elaborated that in the study of interpersonal distance within romantic relationships, around a distance of 7.09 inches (18 centimeters) marks intimate space. “At this range, the body gets involved, making detachment nearly impossible,” the therapist noted.

Dann added that the connection allows a person to “feel your partner’s emotions, mirror breath and body language, which disrupts pure intellectual argumentation.” She insightfully pointed out, “Proximity activates the nervous system, increasing oxytocin (the bonding hormone) and making it harder to stay angry.” Dann pointed out that the 7-inch gap is “the same space between a nursing baby and its mother’s face, our first connection to safety and love. Maybe that’s why this works—it taps into something primal.” Marsh shared a note about this method and stated that the recording was not during an ongoing argument, but a few minutes later.

“We approached this after we had processed some of that anger and allowed each other space. This would not be used in the heat of a moment nor with violent partners,” she wrote. @capturedshotsphotographybyjd said, “This is a beautiful, healthy, positive way of working through things.” @gobodad remarked, “I started using that technique and it does work for me too!”

You can follow Dr. Rathika Marsh (@the_spiritual_psychologist) and Jordan Dann (@jordandann) on Instagram for more content on therapy and relationships.